Loneliness

The feeling engulfs you
It takes all the joy from your heart
It squeezes all life from your soul
And fills it with a black hole
Your life is them void of love
Void of fulfillment
Void of any true feelings
You can pretend to be happy or content
But you really are longing for any feeling at all
Anything that will make you feel an emotion
I would love to cry or hurt
But that seems beyond me
I am incapable of love or even peace of mind
Torture I could take
Then I could at least feel something
I would be hurting
I would be desiring something
And that something would be love
At this point I don’t want love
I don’t want to be next to him
I just want to be rid of his memory
I want to forget him like it seems he has forgotten me
Why can’t I turn his memory off like it was turned on
If I could forget him completely, I would not be lonely anymore
If only it was a possibility
I would jump for joy
Then I could feel an emotion which would be happiness
How I wish for that to happen
My heart aches everyday without fail
It refuses to let me forget him
I wish I could tear it out
How it betrays me
It makes me suffer for something I did not do
I did not ask to feel what I felt for him
I was taken unaware
It was not my idea
If anything it was his fault
I wonder if he did it on purpose
Does he enjoy knowing that I was hurting
Does it make him feel good that I feel for him
I wonder if he felt in control
Like he owned my heart and was in charge of my emotions
Telling me what to feel and when to feel it
He would have to hate me to do that
But he never knew me before that
Can people hate you without having to even meet you
How can people be that cruel
Hate to that extent
I feel lost
Slowly drowning in a sea of despair
What have I done to deserve this
There is nothing for me to hold on to
I am sinking and never seem to hit bottom
I can’t see anything
I am just here
I am nowhere
I just “am” nothing more
Is there still a purpose to my life
Does life still have meaning
Is there a reason to all this
Am I supposed to learn something from this
If I am, than what is the lesson
I can’t seem to figure it out
I don’t know what to do
I have no idea of what to think about all this
I am lost in my own soul
Nowhere to run to
Nowhere to go
No one to talk to
No one to hold
Engulfed in the feeling of loneliness

Note: This is my own personal and original poetry.

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One thought on “Loneliness

  1. This is powerful stuff! Really well written. Can’t wait to see how you continue to grow your writing in this journal. 🙂 *hugs*

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